How to set boundaries with parents (and other family members)
The overbearing MIL.
The pushy relative that just won’t take no for an answer.
We’ve all heard the stories, but when it’s happening to you, it can be difficult to find your voice to set boundaries. Whether it’s unannounced visits at bedtime or ignoring your rule for no snacks before dinner, here are some tips on setting boundaries with your parents and other family members.
Do some soul-searching.
There can be some major guilt around setting boundaries when it comes to your family. You love them but can’t take another comment about your parenting choices.
Before diving into a potentially awkward conversation with your parents, take some time to do some soul-searching for what you need as a mama and the kind of support you need from your partner. Try to have several conversations with your partner to ensure you are on the same page and are both prepared for a conversation with your family.
Be clear with your expectations, but also ask for your parent's expectations.
It may take a few times to really sink in, but communicate your expectations positively and consistently. It will prevent confusion, a heated argument, or an excuse about not knowing your boundaries.
Ask your parents about their expectations of a relationship with you and your family so their voice is heard as well. Be sure you are clear that you will do your best to accommodate them but stand your ground for what you and your family need.
Seek help.
Given the family dynamic, it can be difficult to have an open and honest conversation with your parents about your boundaries especially when you know they will likely disagree. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help to navigate these conversations.
Family therapists are experienced in helping all kinds of families communicate through all types of issues. Start by having just you and your partner meet with a therapist and then bring your parents into the conversation when you are ready.
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There’s nothing wrong with taking a break.
Time outs aren’t just for little ones. If things become too intense and you can’t seem to get anywhere with your loved ones, it’s ok to take a break and distance yourself.
Take time to clear your head and determine how you want to move forward. It also gives your parents time to take a deep breath. There are no rules to what a break looks like so do what is best for you and your family.
