Real talk: Caring for aging parents
Some of us are in the phase of life where we are already caring for our parents, while others are starting to think about what it will be like. Caregiving can bring many joys and challenges in unexpected ways, no matter what type of relationship you have with your parents. You are doing your best in this significant life shift while caring for your immediate family.
We want you to know we see you and value you.
No matter where you are on this journey, we have a few tips to help you through this unique stage:
Create an environment for open communication.
How do you and your parents talk about what they can do vs. what they need help with? Everyone can be a little stubborn about what they can do, so it’s key to build trust in this area and talk about it often. Yes, unexpected things will happen along the way, but you have a safety net because you’ve created a roadmap together. You and your parents are well-practiced and can talk with one another when things change. Once you understand their needs, you can bring in additional support.
MORE LIKE THIS: How to set boundaries with parents (and other family members)
Teamwork makes the dream work, especially with a team captain.
Caregiving works best when one person takes the lead and delegates to the care team. Once a system is in place, the leader can ask adult siblings, partners, friends, organizations, or church friends to fulfill support roles. When clear roles are defined, every player feels like they have a place:
Have an excellent cook in the family? They can bring the parent a meal once a week.
Does someone enjoy outdoor tasks? Great! Have them help take down the holiday lights and tend the garden.
You might be surprised at how having a system in place can relieve the pressure of carrying all of the responsibilities by knowing they are divided into capable hands.
Feeling burned out? Try creatively engaging with care tasks.
This doesn't need to be an over-the-top experience or an elaborate escapade. Think about the time you will already spend with them doing care tasks and create a bit of extra space to enjoy one another:
Bringing them a meal? Prepare something you enjoy, grab some candles, and eat with them.
Bathing them? Hum a favorite song they sang to you at bath time.
Trying to get them out of bed and moving? Turn on their favorite music and dance with them.
Little moments are powerful and can help carry us through tough times.
CREATE SPACE FOR YOURSELF: Try one of these 5-minute self-care rituals
You have needs! Ask for the connection you desire from friends and family.
Allow others, including your parent, to take care of you. There might be little ways your parent can still be your parent. You might need a hug—ask for it. You might need to cry—let them listen. Caregiving takes a lot of strength and endurance, so this is a time to rely on your village. They may not know what to do, especially if you are “the strong one,” so it's your job to tell them. People want to know what Starbucks drink they can bring, what your favorite take-out is, and if they can take your kids to the park. You are worthy of asking for exactly what you need.
No matter where you are in your journey as a caregiver, we hope you can find ways to connect with your parent that feel loving and respectful while sustaining space to recharge and center yourself. Caring for aging loved ones is complicated and beautiful work; if no one told you today, we’re proud of you.
Looking for additional resources and support? Visit Caring.com’s “Caregivers” page.
