Finding identity when you are Mom
This school year my boys headed off to Pre-K and third grade.This past summer I have noticed our dynamic shifting.With my youngest now 4, he has gained more independence and doesn't require my 24 hour surveillance. I am able to relax a little more at the playground and he's old enough to go on fun playdates with Grandma and Grandpa without me in tow. He has started his final year of preschool and it has led to me realizing that this will be my last year at home full time with my "babies." I stayed home with my oldest for a large portion of his younger years and have been home with my youngest his whole life. We are not able to have any more children, so we are 100% done with the baby years. What do I want to do? Who am I outside of playdates and Paw Patrol?
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As a mother, life revolves around kids. When you also stay home with them all day every day, it's definitely easy to lose sight of yourself as an individual and focus more on yourself as "Mom." With each changing parenting stage, I feel like we cycle through different identities. While my life no longer revolves around naps, diapers and sleep schedules, having a preschooler and 8 year old brings on a new set of focus. Along with that focus comes a new identity.
How do you balance this new identity and try to also regain your identity as an individual?
Make yourself a priority. I know, I know. It's what's been preached to us over and over again. Who really has time for all this "self care" stuff? You do. You have to. You don't have to have a spa day once a week, or a fancy dinner with friends. You just do what works for your current stage of motherhood and your current identity.Mom to a newborn? Maybe your self care for the week is to take an uninterrupted shower, or schedule yourself a nap.Mom to a toddler? A long walk to clear your mind and reset.Whatever it is, big or small, you have to make yourself a priority and help regain that identity of yourself as an individual.Just because we are parents doesn't mean we have to become only that. It took me until recently to get rid of the guilt of doing things for myself. I would always talk myself out of that dinner date with a friend because I wouldn't be home to put the kids to bed. I would wait until the kids went to bed to leave the house to go shopping alone because I felt guilty leaving while the kids were awake. That "mom guilt" doesn't go away. I still feel it every single time I do something for myself. However, you have to teach yourself to be louder than the guilt. You have to take charge of your identity as an individual. Not only will you be happier, but believe it or not, your kids will be, too.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Heather Frankford lives in Noblesville with her husband, 2 kids and 2 dogs. She is the owner and creator of Suburban Boy Mom, a lifestyle blog, and enjoys DIY projects and decorating her home.Heather is fueled by Starbucks coffee and enjoys bad reality tv when the kids go to bed.
